A funny thing happened on the way to the DMV...
Actually, it happened at the DMV, but you get it.
After receiving my "next to be called" number, I took a seat amongst the others. Soon, the door swung open and a frail lady with a walker came into the room. I looked around and noticed that all the seats were full. I also noted that no one was getting up to offer their seat to this older woman. So, I rose and offered her mine. I was, frankly, a little surprised. Why was I the only person to do so? Admittedly, I half-glared at the men in the room and wondered to myself what the world was coming to.
A few days later, this video was posted on reddit:
Clearly, Keanu is a gentleman (not a "douche", as the video asks). And clearly, this is my opinion.
I decided to respond to the reddit post with my DMV story, and in no less than 12 hours, I received replies to this effect:
Now, I love reddit. I just posted a great story about reddit's outpouring of help to a little boy. Initially, I tried to defend myself but...what's the saying? "Insanity is doing something over and over again expecting different results." (Rita Mae Brown, I think.)
But the attacks kept coming. And I stopped trying to argue the point. Seriously, I received at least 60 comments telling me that I was a whiny princess bitch. Ha ha! I stopped reading them, but not before it was pointed out to me that my post-reply had been cross-posted to a men's rights forum. Oh, woe is man.
I admit, it made my blood boil. But not because I was attacked verbally (really, that doesn't bother me--these people don't know me personally).
I was pissed because it seemed to be such a consensus that chivalry is indeed dead.
And then I was sad.
And I am still sad.
If my grandmother were still alive, is this the treatment she would receive? Is my mother--my dear, sweet, wouldn't-hurt-a-fly mother!--being treated this way? I'm sorry if you are, Mom.
I am not a feminist. That does not mean that I don't think women should be treated equally. I hold doors open for everyone. I treat men the way I feel I should be treated--the way I feel women should be treated.
I believe that if a woman is doing a job that is historically reserved for a man, she should be paid the same wage. I do not think that women should be paid less because they're women (not womyn). I feel that men can cook and clean just as well as women, and should be expected to do their share of things around the house. I certainly don't think that wives should stay home, raise babies, and clean and cook while their husbands are working. Because I feel that way does not make me a feminist.
But really, this isn't entirely a gender issue for me. This is about treating people with respect and courtesy. Why does equality seem to mean discourtesy toward women?
People should open doors for one another.
People should offer their seats to older people, especially when they're visibly disabled.
People should treat one another with courtesy.
"Ah, but Beth" you argue, "you glared at the men."
So, I did. But that's because I feel that men should be the most likely candidates for behaving this way. Sexist? If that's what it is, then maybe I am biased toward the genders. Maybe it's because I'm a Southerner.
And maybe it's archaic, but I'm sorry we're losing that little tradition. But I found the Art of Manliness site and this is what they had to say on the subject:
See you soon,
~Beth
Actually, it happened at the DMV, but you get it.
After receiving my "next to be called" number, I took a seat amongst the others. Soon, the door swung open and a frail lady with a walker came into the room. I looked around and noticed that all the seats were full. I also noted that no one was getting up to offer their seat to this older woman. So, I rose and offered her mine. I was, frankly, a little surprised. Why was I the only person to do so? Admittedly, I half-glared at the men in the room and wondered to myself what the world was coming to.
A few days later, this video was posted on reddit:
Clearly, Keanu is a gentleman (not a "douche", as the video asks). And clearly, this is my opinion.
I decided to respond to the reddit post with my DMV story, and in no less than 12 hours, I received replies to this effect:
- You asked for equality and so you don't get to complain.
- You're a spoiled bitch.
- Fuck you, you little princess.
- You're a sexist bitch. Why did you glare at the men only?
- Your logic is flawed. Chivalry is dead because of bitches like you.
- You've probably never done a decent day's work.
- You're exactly why I refuse to open a door for a woman.
In addition, someone on reddit found my OKCupid profile and then joined to send me this sweet nothing:
Just wanted to see if you were as repulsive in your profile as you come off in your comments elsewhere. And you are - I would touch you with a ten foot pole.Awww...think we're a match?
Now, I love reddit. I just posted a great story about reddit's outpouring of help to a little boy. Initially, I tried to defend myself but...what's the saying? "Insanity is doing something over and over again expecting different results." (Rita Mae Brown, I think.)
But the attacks kept coming. And I stopped trying to argue the point. Seriously, I received at least 60 comments telling me that I was a whiny princess bitch. Ha ha! I stopped reading them, but not before it was pointed out to me that my post-reply had been cross-posted to a men's rights forum. Oh, woe is man.
I admit, it made my blood boil. But not because I was attacked verbally (really, that doesn't bother me--these people don't know me personally).
I was pissed because it seemed to be such a consensus that chivalry is indeed dead.
And then I was sad.
And I am still sad.
If my grandmother were still alive, is this the treatment she would receive? Is my mother--my dear, sweet, wouldn't-hurt-a-fly mother!--being treated this way? I'm sorry if you are, Mom.
I am not a feminist. That does not mean that I don't think women should be treated equally. I hold doors open for everyone. I treat men the way I feel I should be treated--the way I feel women should be treated.
I believe that if a woman is doing a job that is historically reserved for a man, she should be paid the same wage. I do not think that women should be paid less because they're women (not womyn). I feel that men can cook and clean just as well as women, and should be expected to do their share of things around the house. I certainly don't think that wives should stay home, raise babies, and clean and cook while their husbands are working. Because I feel that way does not make me a feminist.
But really, this isn't entirely a gender issue for me. This is about treating people with respect and courtesy. Why does equality seem to mean discourtesy toward women?
People should open doors for one another.
People should offer their seats to older people, especially when they're visibly disabled.
People should treat one another with courtesy.
"Ah, but Beth" you argue, "you glared at the men."
So, I did. But that's because I feel that men should be the most likely candidates for behaving this way. Sexist? If that's what it is, then maybe I am biased toward the genders. Maybe it's because I'm a Southerner.
And maybe it's archaic, but I'm sorry we're losing that little tradition. But I found the Art of Manliness site and this is what they had to say on the subject:
A Word on Door-Opening and Other Acts of Old Fashioned Chivalry
Before we get to the ins and outs of door opening, let us take a moment to discuss its place in modern society, because not everyone feels its a tradition worth preserving. There are some women who are offended by it because they think it implies the inferior status of women–that women are too weak to open doors for themselves. Kate thinks that if you’re dating a woman who takes umbrage at having the door opened for her, that’s a red flag, because it signals that she does not understand that a woman can be smart and independent while still being playful about gender roles. I can’t really speak to that, so I’ll let the ladies duke it out. Then there are men who think you shouldn’t do things like open doors for women because if women want to be fully independent and equal these days, then they need to give up being treated with any special consideration. To me this is an entirely wrong-headed approach to relationships, because it’s premised on the idea that everything must be tit for tat. Yes, you open doors for a woman, but your woman probably does special things for you. If she doesn’t, then that’s the problem, not chivalry itself. It’s madness to think that equality must mean doing the exact same things for each other and constantly keeping score.
Now, that's more about personal relationships, but it still rings true.
I feel like I could branch off in about three or four different discussions right now, so I'll stop. But...
I'll just leave this here.
See you soon,
~Beth
